For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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