when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
