He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize