You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
should my penis look like a turkey
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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