Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
