I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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