I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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