I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
