Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
