i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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