You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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