I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
