Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday