I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.