just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
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We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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