I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.