forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.