OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole