he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets