i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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