Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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