At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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