There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
