if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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