omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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