Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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