Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
false alarm, still single
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
