Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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