Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I believe in your delicious
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize