I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You are a genius and a whore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
