eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
