After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
