There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
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Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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