I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
