Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
