the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
