My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
