i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Someone shit on the floor
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
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