yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
