And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I die, sorry about rent.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
