No stitches, just platelets and will power
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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