if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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