I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
