I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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