I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
