3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
