haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
