She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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