Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
