If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
