i need an iv and a liver transplant
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ladies don't puke and tell
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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