Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
