My Higher Power is John Stamos
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize