If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
