I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
