i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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