Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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