I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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