I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I believe in your delicious
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
