You smell like stripper and shame
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
