Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
