honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pants are for mortals
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
