also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
