piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
