The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
