He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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