And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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