Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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