none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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